HONOR YOUR FATHER AND MOTHER

Exodus 20:12 says, "Honor your father and your mother, that your days may be long upon the land which the Lord your God is giving you." (NKJV)

I have heard the following story in various versions. A little boy, probably about 10 or 11 years of age, comes to his mom with the following note. It was an itemized list, a bill, for his services around the house each week. For cleaning his room each week he charged $.50, for setting the table $3.50, for taking out the trash $1.75, for feeding rover and fluffy $2.00, and for mowing the grass $5.00. the grand total was $12.75. After looking at the note the mom quietly remembers the last 11 years. She turns the piece of paper over and writes a list of her own. For 11 birthday cakes NO CHARGE, for 7000 loads of laundry NO CHARGE, for 20000 meals NO CHARGE, for countless sleepless nights at your bedside when you were sick NO CHARGE, for many hours praying, counseling, comforting, etc. NO CHARGE. You know the rest of the story - the boy hires a lawyer, sues the mom for child labor, sells the story to the tabloids, and makes a mint.

In this posting we are going to look at the family in general. not just what the children owe the parents, but the child's point of view,and the parent's point of view.

Children are described many ways in the Bible. Psalms 127:3 to 5 describes them like this, " Behold, children are a heritage from the Lord, The fruit of the womb is His reward. Like arrows in the hand of a warrior, So are the children of one's youth. Happy is the man who has his quiver full of them; They shall not be ashamed, But shall speak with their enemies in the gate." (NKJV). Proverbs 17:6 adds, "Children's children are the crown of old men, and the glory of children is their father." (NKJV).

A child does have certain duties to his parents. The fifth commandment says to honor them. Honor means to respect greatly, to show high regard for. Ephesians 6:1 adds another element when it reads, "Children, obey your parents in the Lord, for this is right." (NKJV). Paul includes a specific element "In the Lord". His assumption is that the Ephesians he was writing to were Christians and not pagans. With that unquestioned obedience was to the rightly shown from a child to his or her parents. However, what if the parents are pagans and the child a young Christian trying to do the right thing. Such a child needs to obey as well with the exception when the parental instructions compromise the child's obedience and honoring of God. There are several examples where believers, followers of the one true God, stood faithful in light of great pressure to compromise. Take for instance the case of Daniel and his friends Shadrach, Meshach, and Abedego. They could choose obeying the king and worship him, or remaining faithful to Jehovah. The penalty for disobeying the King was death. They chose death instead of compromise. Of course God honored their faithfulness with physical salvation.

I Timothy 5:3, 4,and 8 read, "Honor widows who are really widows. But if any widow has children or grandchildren, let them first learn to show piety at home and to repay their parents; for this is good and acceptable before God...But if anyone does not provide for his own, and especially for those of his household, he has denied the faith and is worse than an unbeliever." (NKJV). Its pretty straight forward isn't it. The care for elderly parents falls to the children and grandparents. They should have no need for public assistance, but can take advantage of them if they wish.

Now let's switch views and look at what parents owe their children. Perhaps the first thing that comes to mind with some people is a quote from Proverbs, "Spare the rod and spoil the child.". Hebrews 12 verse 7 to 11 expands on this idea of parental discipline. theses verse read, "If you endure chastening, God deals with you as with sons; for what son is there whom a father does not chasten? But if you are without chastening, of which all have become partakers, then you are illegitimate and not sons. Furthermore, we have had human fathers who corrected us, and we paid them respect. Shall we not much more readily be in subjection to the Father of spirits and live. For they indeed for a few days chastened us as seemed best to them, but He for our profit, that we may be partakers of His holiness. Now no chastening seems to be joyful for the present, but grievous; nevertheless, afterward it yields the peaceable fruit of righteousness to those who have been trained by it." (NKJV). However, this discipline is not to exasperate the children in the process. Ephesians 6: 4 reads, "And you, fathers, do not provoke your children to wrath, but bring them up in the training and admonition of the Lord." (NKJV). I have witnessed this exasperation in practice. Early in my ministry I encountered a family where Ephesians 6:1 was quoted, really yelled, every time one of the children stepped the least out of line. Discipline is defined as training that develops self-control, efficiency, etc.

Parents owe their children training and education. Spiritual training is of course understood. Deuteronomy 6:6 and 7 read, "And these words which I command you today shall be in your heart; you shall teach them diligently to your children, and shall talk of them when you sit in your house, when you walk by the way, when you lie down, and when you rise up." (NKJV). Vocational training was understood as well. Consider these examples. Peter, Andrew, James, and John were all fishermen working in the family business. Joseph, a carpenter, trained his step-son, Jesus, his trade. Mothers were to train their daughters how to manage their homes like the Proverbs 31 woman.

I leave you with these questions. Child - have you done your duty?? And, parents have you done yours??

Dr. O